TO LIVE OR NOT TO

#DiaryofAnUnusualHuman

I want to live. But sometimes I don’t want to. It doesn’t always make sense to me.

I’ll be in the middle of a project -like painting, and I’ll be enthusiastic to finish it up quickly, but suddenly, a wave of melancholy rushes in and slams like a tsunami. And finishing up would lose it’s appeal. I’d just lay in bed and wonder why I feel so down. It may take a while to get back to that painting. And when I do, the drive is no more or the focus has shifted to making something else.

Some call it depression, tho’ I’ve never been diagnosed of it. So, it may or may not be.

I love life! I hate life! I have moments when I don’t care! Each down moment feels like the worst. And every exciting day feels like the best.

I sometimes wonder what I’d do if I was faced with the decision to end my life on the promise of no pain, no afterlife, no consequences or whatever.

Will I feel freedom when I die or regrets?

Will I remember this life?

Will I be gone forever, never existing again?

Will I? Will I? Will I? IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Photo by Liam Simpson on Unsplash

I crave to stand by the ocean and watch the waves till sunset.

Will the sea calm my storm?

I really don’t know#

I really do not know.