I Just Got A Clear Understanding Of The Afterlife
Let’s call this a semi-rant, semi-diary
So I began my swimming classes yesterday. While at the pool, I wanted to document my experience and feeling. I have been doing that lately with pictures. But alas, I forgot to take a picture yesterday (angry face).
On my way home, with braids soaking wet from dunking unprotected in a pool, wrapped awkwardly in a plastic bag, hiding beneath my hoodie, I got pissed with my forgetfulness.
Me shouting angrily to me: You know we live for the thrill of new beginnings, the memory throwbacks and the constant need to remember fading memories. Why would you forget to take a picture of your first swimming lesson in Portugal? Especially as you looked funny in the swimming cap that sat on your huge head of braids like the pope’s cap (it’s a rather funny sight, I would love to revisit many years from now).
Anyways, there and then, I forgave myself and decided that maybe we can start keeping a diary of my journey in Portugal. Now, the thrill of my first swimming class was really amazing. It went really well, I met a new Angolan black friend (also learning how to swim) and she is the epitome of African sexiness, hulala! Before I digress, I had a great time challenging myself to a new skill. It was thrilling.
ADHD, New Life after Death, New Beginnings, yadayash
Now, this thrill is what I live for! I crave the excitement of new challenges. It's a drug! I fantasise about how I want something to begin before I barely settle into the present one. I always stay enthusiastic and committed to new things only before they come. And once the dance begins, I get bored and overwhelmed with how much work I really need to make things work, I panic that I may not succeed and look for a distraction. Most times, my distractions are new things, and new challenges and I start looking forward to transitioning. (Let me get the fuck outta here)
I believe this is how life works: We are all ADHD-ish thrill seekers.
- The excitement of a new birth and the thrill of discovery,
- The freedom to explore childhood in the safety of adult care
- The reality of adulthood hits hard. And we are like, oh shit is crazy over here!
- Then the longevity of adult responsibility hits harder. Like Fvck! I am going to do this from 18 years till the eternity of 70 years, maybe 80 maybe 90(I hope not. WTH would I still be here for at 90. Even 80 is a stretch!!!!)
- And then we look beyond now. Barely holding on in this clusterfuckery of present life through sheer will of the promised transitioning to an afterlife
- Maybe just maybe, we are all thrill seekers too. Or the afterlife is a great way to escapism.
Back to my diary kinda journal
Anyways, I had a good swim yesterday. The coach with her broken English was really welcoming and kind. And I want to keep learning till I am a pro. But then, I remember how I can never keep to a routine to save my life. I hope the high cost of swimming lessons will be enough motivation for me to pull through.
My Next Life
It wouldn't be in character to leave this page without talking about my next thrill-seeking adventure. I have plans to return to Taekwondo lessons after 4 months of swimming classes. Trust me, I am already looking forward to the uniform and high kicks even on my first day of swim lesson. It's like a 3-year-old dreaming of the afterlife and heaven.
Here is my article on ADHD — (its more of a rant btw)
This is the diary of an #unusualhuman searching for thrills until the bliss of nothingness drags her beyond this consciousness. She feels, she bleeds, she heals, she feels again.
(P.S. I feel like adding ‘she sleeps’ to that last line just to make the rhyme longer… but I am like yea, I daydream about sleeping. There’s no sleep anymore for a studying-working young woman seeking thrills.)